The Random & the Mundane

THE SUNSHINE creeps into my bedroom window, seemingly prodding me to start the day already. But it has been Christmas-y cold these past mornings that it is a struggle leaving the warm embrace of my bed sheets.      

          I'm done with my deadlines which now are now few and far between but I am not complaining. I love the independence plus there other things I have embarked on which do not fall under urgent or needed yesterday.

          And, most of all, I am enjoying il ber far niente. This is an Italian phrase I learned from the book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert which means the beauty of doing nothing. I actually took note of that part in the book that uses and expounds on the phrase. Because of it, I want to go to Italy.

         As the story goes, the author meets a guy in Italy, aptly named Luca Spaghetti who declares that Italians are masters of il ber far niente. In explaining, Ms. Gilbert wrote, “the beauty of doing nothing is the goal of all your work, the final accomplishment for which you are most highly congratulated. The more exquisitely and delightfully you can do nothing, the higher your life's achievements.”

          Far from being a bum, I now savor the moments of taking it easy and not too preoccupied with having to do something all the time. There is no racing with the clock; no more unnecessary speed. Both work and pleasure seem to have been interspersed and I love it!

Looks Like Love

        Anyway, the month of love has started and Valentine's Day – dubbed Christmas of the hearts – is just around the corner. All too suddenly, the world turns a red blush and there are Cupid cutouts and heart balloons in public establishments.

        There's news on TV about Baguio’s flower farmers assuring us that there will be enough supply of roses but they are not sure if they will be able to keep the prices down.

Don’t they say that every year?

        Concerts of both local and foreign artists fill the love month’s calendar. James Ingram, whose songs are definitely the soundtrack of many a lovelife, is one of those foreign artists in town.

          Even our bachelor President hogs the headlines in a way that is relevant to Valentine’s Day. This is quite refreshing in the midst of the teleserye-like Corona impeachment trial, former lady president GMA’s attempt to put more drama in her sorry hospital life, and the (newly) late Congressman Iggy Arroyo’s lady partners quarreling over his body a la Mano Po, the movie.

“We’re seeing each other,” President Noynoy says matter-of-factly in an interview on ABS-CBN’s TV Patrol.

          For her part, Korean TV personality Grace Lee admits to Mario Dumaual that “to be liked by a man who leads the country is flattering.”

          Wow, it looks like love for P-Noy, who not so long ago jokingly likened his love life to Coke zero – obviously unsweet, no fizz or sparkle.

          A lot of people are now on the lookout on how the duo will spend Valentine’s Day. Also, not a few have expressed their encouragement, not to mention their excitement.

          One of them is actress and Batangas governor Vilma Santos who sends her message through TV Patrol’: “I will be praying for you and at the same time for your lovelife … keep it hot and fiery … it's about time na ma-inspire ka naman pagdating sa puso.”

          And the exchange of views and opinions continue.

P-Noy says, “Pwede bang abangan na lang natin kung may mangyayari dun o wala …. kesa magplano na baka wala eh.”

          Grace appeals to the public: “Let us grow this relationship for now … privacy sana, a little bit of it, so that the President and I could enjoy as we develop what we have right now.”

          With all due respect to the President, there’s no such thing as privacy when both parties keep talking about it in public. You, Sir, may not be going into the details but confirming that you are indeed seeing each other gave us an invitation to pry and, well, meddle.

          But TV Patrol’’s anchorman Noli de Castro has this to say: “ Sabi ko sa inyo huwag niyong pakialaman baka mapurnada na naman yan.”

          Valentine’s Day always meant eating out for me and my daughters and when they were little girls, I'd give them chocolates and they would give me and their Dad cards they made in school. Of course, it's different now – Pee Ann is not here while Ghiselle surely has her “own previous appointment” on this day. But I'm okay with that ...

          It amuses me no end how we have come to make a big deal out of this day. Sweetest Couple photos galore on Facebook with each couple plugging themselves shamelessly as the sweetest for an all-expenses paid date on Valentine's Day.

          Chocolate Fire in Salcedo Village, Makati comes up with really sweet stuff that would probably go with the sweet nothings couples will whisper to each other on that red-letter day. I would surely want to receive a box of these yummy chocolate-dipped strawberries and cherries. Hmm.

        Celebrating Valentine's Day is definitely cute and I cannot discount its kilig factor. But the idea of being told to say “I love you” or show some sweetness and affection on a particular day is not cool with me. Love and affection should not be limited to one day.      

Talk Vs Twitter

        With or without a date on February 14^th, the Year of the Water Dragon is going on smoothly for me. Time continues to fly but maybe because I’m having fun.

          I have been getting together with friends and despite busy schedules, we have managed to squeeze in dining in restaurants or simply hanging out in a friend’s new house.

         All these get-togethers are punctuated with nonstop conversations, kibitzing, reminiscing, teasing and simply communicating and enjoying ourselves.

       The month of February was ushered in by a sumptuous (there goes that adjective again!) dinner with high school friends at Zensho restaurant along Tomas Morato.

          January's last weekend finally brought me and my friends at F. Jacinto Group together for that long time in coming reunion at Milen’s new house in the city of Paranaque.

          Almost on a weekly basis, I have been enjoying McDonald’s or Starbucks with former colleagues and now friends at MOD magazine. In fact, we are going on an Ilocos trip this weekend.

        We can’t seem to get enough of catching up on each other, reminiscing the good old days and what has been, and looking forward to more fun moments together.

         The conversations can only get more interesting – from today's radio and TV commentators, particularly the belligerent Tulfo brothers to the new variants of Star margarine; from the different versions of many a  showbiz gossip to the real score between some friends’ relationships; from our respective job experiences to discovering the thrill of leaving your comfort zone; from deliberating on when will the perfect groom come to planning more trips and explore new places.

          It's a good feeling to be actually – not virtually – talking to each other, and not through Facebook or Twitter.  It is exhilarating to hear the sound of their laughter – and not simply reading LOL or he-he or hi-hi – and seeing candid body language, smiling eyes or other human expressions that can only be exquisitely articulated when physically face to face.

Valentine Vignettes

          But hey I love these social networking sites. They have their purpose and I am very aware that not one is insignificant in cyberspace.

Youth Yak

        And that brings me to today's youth who definitely love to connect and interact. But do they really talk or express themselves properly?

          My friend Ruby was telling us that she is going to make a speech about the youth of today. She then gives us a sneak preview on what really happens each time she does her “guest speaker” act. She does not just convey her message through words but caps it with a dance.

          Anyway, for her forthcoming speaking gig, we would like to suggest that she does a Miriam Defensor-Santiago. She can first try to get her young audience’s undivided attention by sharing a few pickup lines.

           You can start with -- 

          Ano ang pagkakaiba namin ni Rizal?

          Si Rizal, tinamaan sa likod. Ako, tinamaan sa 'yo.

          You can then segue to the fact that, surely JR – if he was part of the present generation – will have his own romantic pickup lines, considering what a prolific writer he is.  

          He would probably ask Leonor Rivera, “paano mo masasabing bobo ako eh ikaw lang naman ang laman ng utak ko?”

          Or humor his first love from the city of Lipa by asking, “hika ka ba? Kasi you take my breath away.”

          Or romance Josephine Bracken with “dalawang beses lang naman kita gustong makasama, now and forever.”

          More than these pickup lines, the youth should emulate JR with regards to the national hero’s purpose in life. He is patriotic and loves his countrymen with a passion. He does not waste his time in non-essentials.

         The youth must know that they are not the hope of the Fatherland for nothing. They are here to initiate change as well as continuity.         

          Change in terms of acquiring knowledge as well as enhancing their talents and using them for the common good. Continuity when it comes to preserving our race and our independence as a Filipino people.      

The Post’s Principle

          In conclusion, relationships, conversations and being young are life’s randomness at its best. Also, they thrive quite ironically in the mundane.

        Aren’t love and friendship random? No matter what criteria you set for the man or woman of your dreams, somebody else comes along in real life to touch your heart. You usually go through a string of twists and turns before you discover the real lover or friend. On the overall, it is one big random process.

          Obviously, these things happen without method or specific pattern. Even among showbiz couples, chemistry cannot be scripted. A random chance definitely plays a big part in every bond or romance that comes about in our lives.

        And youth is best spent in random and never taking the mundane for granted. Young people should experience life as it is – unplanned, spontaneous, unconstrained. Lessons are learned by never knowing what is going to come next in one’s life. It’s like taking different routes until you find the journey suitable for you.

       

        Lastly, the best and most memorable conversations need not be clever. Remember Billy Joel’s song?

          Free-wheeling, no holds barred talk are fun and they can go from the serious to the funny to the irrelevant and irreverent. And topics need not be extraordinary.

          Even the legalese we hear from the impeachment proceedings have become so mundane to me. Lawyers sometimes do talk funny but then I guess that is how they should talk. 

          Let me hazard a guess on how lawyers would write a Valentine’s greeting: “Whereas and notwithstanding the above, the undersigned resolve to stipulate that you are the one I love.”

          I rest my case …

  

          

Stories of Love

or the Lack of It

IN THE SPIRIT of Valentine’s Month, I am reprinting the following three articles. They may have been written a couple of years ago but the message they bring remains relevant today. They may not be the best of love stories but they happened in real life.

Published in MOD Magazine

A Story That Must Be Told

July 2010 issue

www.mod.com.ph

“There’s no way you could tell that the man you fall in love with

is Mr. Right,” Aga Estrellado tells MOD. “Pag mahal mo, mahal mo

talaga even if it isn’t in your plans to get hurt.”

Aga’s story was revealed during the launch

of this year’s Avon Speak Out Against Domestic

Violence Campaign. She told her story outright – no

assumed names, no fiction circumstances – and by

doing so, Aga hopes to inspire, if not embolden

the nameless and faceless women who continue to speak

out, seek help, and be empowered.

1

 ‘Violence will no longer visit me’

As told to Lulu Reclusado-Nario

            I was a victim of domestic violence. Hopeless and helpless, I considered myself the lowest living thing on earth.

            Today, by the grace of God, I wake up each morning no longer scared of being hit. No more physical abuse or violence on me or on my family.

            Today, I am empowered because I made a decision to be happy and not let anybody – even the person I so dearly loved – to hurt me physically and, more important, to chip away the very core of my being and take away my dignity.

Yesterday is definitely a thing of the past, but let me share with you how I saw stars not because I was so in love. Let me impart to you not the violins I heard in my young romance but painful ringing in my ears because of rough hands landing on my face in a moment of rage.

            I was 18 years old when I met and fell super-duper in love with Andres. He was tall, and the girls in school simply swooned over him. He chose me to be his girl and I gave him my love to the max!

            I got pregnant and we got married in July 1996. Right after I gave birth, my happily ever after abruptly ended.

            You see, every time he got mad – and many times, for no reason at all – he slapped my face, twisted my arm, and hit me over and over again, the blows landing on various parts of my body. One time, riding his motorcycle, he ran me over, hurting my foot.

            There wasn’t a day when I didn’t have a bruise on my face or a lump in my body. He threw anything at me – a kitchen utensil, an appliance – and punctuated the blows with an unending stream of insults. He was terrifying whenever he got mad.

After the violence, however, he felt so sorry he often knelt to ask for my forgiveness. And each time, I took his remorse to be genuine and, yes, I forgave him. I comforted myself, thinking he was still my husband and the father of my kids. And don’t they say that blessed are those who forgive?

            But after receiving forgiveness, the moment he got angry, he hit me again and it got more painful each time. My kids begged me that we escape. “Mom, why do you have to put up with this?” they cried.

            I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to go anywhere because despite everything, I still loved him. I kept hoping he would change.

            I suffered through it all, until on the eighth year of our marriage, I finally came to my senses. On October 2001, while Andres was in his office, I gathered my kids and we left the house. We went to my parents’ place and we lived with them. I then continued my college studies.

            But Andres came and demanded that we go back to him. I refused but he continued to come often, terrifying us.

            One day, he aimed a knife at me and said he was going to kill me.

            Horrified, I finally found the courage to file a criminal case against him. I then felt some semblance of strength and I thought he won’t be able to touch me again.

            I was wrong. He came to say sorry and promised to seek counselling. My heart softened. And I did not just forgive him, I also dropped the case I filed against him.

I would learn later that that was the most stupid thing I’ve ever done.

            One day, while I was preparing to leave for school, Andres arrived with a glass bowl in his hand. I thought he was giving us a dish of dinner. But I saw that all too familiar madness in his eyes. Without warning, he hit me with the bowl, banged my head on the wall, and started kicking and punching me every which way.

            Hearing the commotion, my mother and my kids came to help me, but Andres turned to my mother and started hitting her!

            That was it. I knew then I had to put an end to all of these. And I promised to myself I would.

            I realized my real problem was not my husband. The problem was me and my low self-worth which led me to think I needed a man in my life – even if that man treated me like a doormat.

I brought my family to my neighbor’s house and for the first time in my life, I decided to seek help. I went to the Family Court and filed for the annulment of our marriage.

            It used to be that I didn’t have any confidence in myself. I thought there wasn’t any place for me to go if I left my husband. I was scared that my children and I won’t be able to live without him.

            Today, I am happy and empowered. I am no longer a victim but a survivor of domestic violence. I have a brand-new life with my children, who are now teenagers.

            I wake up each morning without fear of violence. I am now a teacher and I also have some small businesses – a computer shop and a small grocery.

            I have also found a new love – an Australian businessman. And we’ve been together for four years now.

            Despite this new love, I sometimes feel I might get hurt again. But I’m stronger now. I am aware of my rights and I know what to do in case violence shows its ugly head once more.

            Still, I am confident it will never happen again. Only because I will not let it.

                                                             __________________________ 

Published in Spiff Magazine

January 2008

2

A Virgin Makes It

On the Floor

As told to LOTUS

IT’S a lazy Saturday afternoon and Jamin*, who just turned two the other day, goes around my parents’ lawn with his trike. He waves at me now and then shouting his most beautiful word, for now, “Mommy!”

            He is such a darling and each of his growing days makes him look more and more like his father. It’s just too bad his look-alike won’t be around to witness this phenomenon.

 A SHORT-LIVED FAIRY TALE

            Two years ago, Jamin came into my life quite unexpectedly. He was part of an unfolding fairy tale. It’s just that it didn’t last happily ever after. Thank God, however, because memories do endure.

            While the relationship was short-lived, I am thankful that it had awesome results. I refuse to be considered just a statistic in the growing number of single mothers in the call center industry. But I am proud to be part of those brave women who never considered abortion, which, alarmingly, is becoming a favored option.

MS. 2Ps MEETS LADIES’ MAN

            The first time I set foot on The Floor, I was mesmerized. The Floor was enormous, bustling with activity, buzzling with calls, calls – and more calls. It is the Operations Floor where agents and representatives take and make calls.

            I met Jake* – now 25 years old – the father of my child, in the first call center that I worked for. He is very much like the ‘tall, dark and handsome’ kind of guy. When I first laid eyes on him on The Floor, I was suddenly smitten.

            He was popular because he is really good-looking and he gave the impression of a ladies’ man, always rushing, never really satisfied. Frequenting the bars nearby was an escape for him. And so with getting into instant relationships. He was too busy to pause even for a moment to the point that relationships must be had like instant coffee from a Vendo machine. If you want to dirty dance and hang out after that then you’re the girl!

            I am a mild-mannered girl – I’m now 24 years old – that my friends call me Ms. 2Ps as in Ms. Prim and Proper. They drink, smoke and really go wild in a party but I don’t. Well, when I became an agent, that was the only time I learned to drink, smoke but remained prim and proper even in bars and parties. I hang out with them because despite these differences, our

friendship goes a long way and we accept each other for what we are.

            I don’t dirty dance and all I want to do after an unforgiving night shift is go home and sleep. And I have yet to experience my first love or even a relationship and everything else romantic and sexual that goes with it.

            Definitely, I cannot pass for Jake’s girl – or so I thought.

A LIFE-CHANGING YULE PARTY

            Then the call center’s Christmas party happened and changed my life forever. During that fateful night, I surprised even myself as I swayed to the pulsating beat of Earth, Wind & Fire. I never imagined I would be dirty dancing with the man of my dreams. But then nobody knows – even my friends from the call center – how long I’ve imagined this particular scene in my mind.

            When Jake sought me out from the crowd and led me to the dance floor, I was happiness personified. My heart was bursting with joy as I said to myself, ‘this is it!’ Just like magnet, my body radiated to the rhythm of his body. His hand found its way to my waist, the other clasped on my right hand and our eyes locked.

            After that first dance, we became inseparable until the morning sun showed up in the horizon.

SPONTANEOUS, UNPLANNED

            My friends were ecstatic. Finally, they thought, their friend is going to have an adult relationship. Of course, I was even more ecstatic to say the least. I found my Prince Charming and I vowed never to lose him!

            A week after the party, we found ourselves alone in our Team Leader’s cubicle after a shift and everyone has gone home. He started to kiss me long and hard and my knees turned jelly. I gave in to his advances and, shamelessly, embraced him in wild abandon. And we did it on The Floor as if there is honor in it.

            Our relationship became so spontaneous, unplanned and I cherished every moment. Every chance we got, we did it. I was letting him make wild love to me as if there was no tomorrow and in very unlikely places. I simply threw my scruples into the air and blindly did whatever Jake wanted.

            I couldn’t be disturbed with my newfound happiness. I even found it convenient to ignore my friends’ advice to slow down. Worse, I took for granted the warnings of people who knew Jake inside out about his being an incurable playboy. They called me ‘his next victim’ but I didn’t care because I chose to walk into him as an easy and very willing prey.

            I wished to God that my overwhelming love for him would make him stay and stay for good. Even if the rest of the world knew for sure that ‘stay’ was never in his vocabulary.

PRINCE CHARMING ACTUALLY A FROG

            Four months into the relationship, I started feeling strange physically until I missed my period once too many. About the same time, Jake begun to act weird himself. He stopped seeing me, saying he can’t go on break, has to go home right away or some other reason much too trivial.

            And then it dawned on me – he is not going to stay after all. He probably got what he wanted and he’s out of my life. That my Prince Charming is actually a frog.

            My waking hours were spent trying to figure out when did I lose his love – or lust or attention or whatever it was that made him hang around me. Was it in between the irate callers, the midnight coffee breaks or the fiery lovemaking?

THE WORLD CAVES IN

            I stopped asking when word got to me that he’s been seen in some place with some girl…I also opted not to tell him. I didn’t want to give him this advantage over me. I have been such a fool and, for the times I was hurting, went to the extent of calling myself a slut.

            And the world caved in on me or was that an explosion? I didn’t know what to do, feel or think. I couldn’t even listen to my heart because it was in shreds. I also became very scared. There’s a child inside me and nobody knows – even the man I created it with. And I’m ashamed to tell my friends. I cannot even shock my parents by bringing out the garbage, I don’t want to shock them with an unexpected pregnancy.

PICKING UP THE PIECES

            On my own, I chose not to dwell on whatever regrets or disappointments or revolting emotions I initially felt all at the same time. I just had to pick up the pieces, deal with it and move on. I am keeping the baby – with or without anybody’s approval. And for the first time in my life, I acknowledged the presence of a God and prayed for strength.

            And so I waited until it was physically obvious to tell my friends. I didn’t inform my parents. My being a call center agent became the perfect excuse for me to just get a flat nearby so that they‘d stop worrying about me having to leave the house after midnight to go to work.

            Because I had to fend for myself and the growing baby inside me, I couldn’t resign from work and had to live with bumping into Jake on the floor, in the lounge, in the elevator. Seeing him doesn’t hurt but feeling his indifference kills me each time.

            And then truth caught up with me. Surprisingly, my family was very understanding. My mother was crying the whole time and I know that my father was trying so hard not to hit me for being so stupid.

EACH DAY IS WORTH LIVING

            Today, Jamin is such a delight and he has become a source of unexplained joy to my parents, he being their first grandchild.

            I still work in a call center – although I have resigned from where I met Jake and he remains employed there – because despite the difficult hours, the pay ensures my son’s future. And despite what happened to me, each day is worth living. Jamin makes it so. That is what matters to me now.       

            A child is God’s way of telling us that the world will go on. We have no right to interfere with that.

*Names have been changed

to protect the innocent

and family’s privacy

                                                 ____________________________  

Published in MOD Magazine

A Story That Must Be Told

May 2010 Issue

3

‘I Fell In Love With My Gay Bestie’

As told to LULU RECLUSADO-NARIO

I SCREAMED like there was no tomorrow. I screamed because the scene was so piercingly painful – as if somebody stabbed me right through my heart.

            When I was done with the respiratory exercise, I saw Perry in front of me in his boxer shorts, holding his pants as if it was his dear life. Guilty as sin, he told me straight in the eye, “I’m sorry.”

            And Nico, my beloved Nico, was nowhere in sight!

            This scene, which happened five years ago, still visits my memory every now and then. There would be tears in my eyes every single time. And there would be that pain not just in my heart but my entire being.

            Five years ago, I lost not just my lover but also my best friend. I’m such a cliché, I know.

          Nico and I started out as buddies while in our sophomore year in college. We shared the dream of becoming consultant dieticians and working for the country’s biggest spa resort.

            We were part of a seven-member barkada which also includes Jill, Marla, Michelle, Perry and Ruben but Nico and I are closest. We liked the same bands, played in the same tennis team, loved shopping for clothes and accessories, and we even had matching haircuts – mine, a short pixie; his, a barber’s cut. And oh, we have the same pair of Chuck Taylors – mine, light violet; his, dark blue.

            Sometimes our friends teased us and asked something like, haven’t we developed into something romantic yet? I simply replied, “Para lang kaming Batman and Robin.”

          We also loved each other’s company that even if we were with the group, we found a space all to ourselves and talked or simply were quiet together. And we didn’t have secrets – he told me what he did one summer vacation when he went to this honky-tonk bar in the province, and I practically described to him how I lost my virginity.

            Until that trip to Tagaytay and we lost the barkada’s convoy. We ended up in Picnic Grove and all too suddenly, we found each other kissing with Taal Volacano as the only witness. To make the story short, we became ‘us’ with that kiss. It’s as if we were just waiting for this to happen – for the barkada to get scarce so that we could concentrate on falling in love. It was so fast that when everybody saw our romantic body language, they all cheered. Finally, they said

we were no longer just Batman and Robin.

            And Perry had this to say, “How nice that our barkada now has a love team.” At the time, that statement seemed so innocent. Now I know he was being sarcastic.

          My bliss with Nico lasted for three and a half years. We did elevate our friendship to the next level and this was spiced up with good sex. Or to be more appropriate, with great lovemaking. He was such a man and a real gentleman.

            The weird thing is we didn’t go through the process of falling apart. We didn’t experience either going through the motions as couples usually do after being together for so long.

            We were simply great and the envy of every couple in school.

            Up until that single moment when I witnessed through my very eyes Nico with Perry in a revealing act that only gay lovers do!

            Until now, that memory hurts as much as the first time it happened. Call me nuts, but I still love the guy. He was so sweet. He was always watching over me – and if you must know, our theme song was Someone to Watch Over Me and we specifically liked the version of Sting. I never wondered why Sting.

            And Nico was always fussing over me.

            Now wait a minute, only mothers make a fuss! Oh God. How could I have not noticed?

            Nico is now is Singapore, and living the dream of a dietician for a spa resort. Perry is with him. We never got to talk after that painful incident. Perhaps words are better left unsaid.

          Except for Nico and Perry – we now call them the dynamic duo … we were Batman and Robin, remember? – the barkada is still together, now all gainfully employed and also living our dreams.

            As I said, I still love Nico but if I should fall for someone else, I’d feel safe with a really bad guy with tattoos and some piercings. He’ll surely not fuss but will probably be fun!